Say Goodbye to "Forbidden Foods"

I first learned about Geneen Roth from a friend who had lost 50 pounds using one of Roth's books. I simply had to read Geneen Roth. Her books are "Life changing". Desperate and only 30 pounds overweight at that time, I found a used version of Why Weight? online and started the process of dealing with my self image and figuring out my unhealthy relationship with food. It was a slow and emotional journey, reading the book and working the exercises. I cried. I gained somewhere around 10 pounds. And even though Geneen Roth explained this is natural to the process, I hated it. So, I gave it up and went back to low calorie eating, deprivation and running. It didn't work either. Somewhere around this time, my brother died. His death triggered a host of medical issues that cropped up inside my body, wrecking havoc on my lower legs, creating the perfect circumstance for me to become immobile (that led to muscle atrophy). After a diagnosis, the treatment required unforgiving medication like chemo (cylophosamide) and prednisone. Mix it all up in the cauldron (with a pinch of eye of newt), and it was the perfect elixir for me to devour for gaining another 60 pounds (and officially becoming "cushingoid"). As I battled, my weight mattered less and less. I was spoonie, laboring to survive. This is how I got here. Slowly, I healed. I got off the prednisone. A year after my last dose, I found the energy and inspiration to make the changes I need to in order to focus on my health. Self care.

Since being introduced to synchronicity in Julia Cameron's Artist's Way book, I have become more aware of it at work in my life. This blog and my latest doctor visit; the Geneen Roth book being found, WW; it has all become meaningful in this perfect moment. Now. It is no accident all the things on this journey, from blogging to finding Weight Watchers journals and reconnecting with Why Weight? . All in its right time.

As I reconnect with Why Weight?, I begin to understand the work I completed that allowed the changes to occur in my life. I chuckle at the stained cover and that the first three exercises are filled in by Janet, the previous owner. The dogeared pages are even more proof how meaningful this book was for me; I experienced this book. I don't think I realized how much I learned as I was going through the book the first time. Yet I got much from it, like how to break through the shame and let go of others' (imaginary or real) judgments of my body. I discovered the power of soft belly breathing and to forgive myself, show compassion for myself.

But the best thing that I learned was working through forbidden foods.

Forbidden foods. These are the foods that whisper to me like Pennywise from the sewer, beckoning me with promises how sweet it would be to over indulge. Cupcakes. Doughnuts. Sheet Cake. Pizza. Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chips. Coffee Rolls from Dunkin Donuts. I'm a bona fide sugar ant.

So, how what is the fix to making friends with forbidden foods? Well, the process begins by listing those bottom feeder, sludge dwelling foods that are "bad", "fattening" and are shunned for their evilness when dieting. Forbidden foods are ones we love to overeat and usually offer zero nutritional value. Eating these foods usually leads to tremendous guilt and shame, especially after a binge.

After creating the list, it is a matter of allowing permission to eat as much of the forbidden foods as we want. We tackle one food per week.

Geneen Roth details the process of combating forbidden foods in exercises 26 and 27 in Why Weight?.

My first forbidden food to was cupcakes. Those evil swirly-buttercream frosted sponges of smug sweetness screaming out from their plastic trays at the bakery. I would roll my cart by, with physical tremors and a case of the sweats as I pretended ignore their call and to be interested in produce, like spinach or celery. It was easy to overindulge in cupcakes. The paper liners and frosting so sweet it made my teeth tingled slowed me down, but I always managed to polish off 6 in less than an hour or 2. I also like to split the cupcake in two and swipe some of the heaping frosting on the broken piece from the bottom. It's like double cupcakes. After granting myself permission to have them, it was then time to face the fear and shame of buying them. I just knew people were judging me: the obese woman buying cupcakes. Didn't she care? No wonder she's so grotesque and fat. No will power. But I did it. I smiled at the person who rang up my order and didn't make excuses about a birthday party. I squirmed and sweat and wanted to disappear as I raced out of the store and sped home. I kept telling myself that I was allowed to have these and I could have as many as I wanted. I tried to make this special and be aware. I used a plate and everything and sat down at the table. I split the first one (vanilla) in half, creating the double cupcake. And as I chewed and paid attention, I found it to be meh. It actually was a little dry and stale. Not as good as I had anticipated. No doubt I still ate them, probably even all of them, but it was a different experience from all the times before. Maybe it was the awareness and permission granted. That I actually tasted them this time, not just used them as a sort of bandage as I had in the past. I don't think I needed to repeat the process. After that, cupcakes no longer call to me. Now that I'm allowed to eat them and I know I have to put a point price tag on them, they lost their enchantment. There is no more guilt or shame. They "bad" or forbidden. The albatross no longer stifles and strangles.

This is just one reason why I recommend Geneen Roth, especially Why Weight? for anyone struggling with overeating. If someone is addicted to food or a binger or anorexic/bulimic, this book could very well be life changing. Google her. Thumb through a book. Give it a try. It might be the push you need in the direction of self care.

I do plan to delve into other powerful tools I got from Geneen Roth, like soft belly meditation (and how it works with mindfulness), Roth's eating guidelines and the notion of "sneaking food". I will save those topics for future posts. For now, the forbidden foods is probably a big enough of beast to begin to slay.

Mahalo, my good peeps.

Walk in beauty and keep being great.

\m/\m/